Kimon de Greef, White Rabbit (UK); Doubleday (US)
If you have heard tales of 5-MeO-DMT, the psychedelic substance secreted by desert toads, then chances are it is due to one man. The Ego Trip tells the story of physician Octavio Rettig Hinojosa, who popularised the use of this intense drug, claiming it could treat addiction and trauma. He portrays 5-MeO-DMT as an ancient practice of the Seri people in Sonora, Mexico, and preaches its therapeutic benefits to his many disciples, promising it can reveal new planes of enlightenment.
Only, as Kimon de Greef writes, Rettig Hinojosa’s narrative is full of fiction, and his supposedly healing practices are described in the book as dark and dangerous. (De Greef is an acquaintance as we both report on psychedelics, and he thanks me in his acknowledgements for “inspiration and camaraderie”, as we received the same reporting grant.)
As de Greef writes, 5-MeO-DMT (in full, 5-methoxy-N,N-dimethyltryptamine), has been called the “Everest” of psychedelics. Whereas LSD distorts reality, creating vivid hallucinations, 5-MeO-DMT completely shatters all perception and sense of the self. The experience is brief, lasting less than half an hour, but creates a total obliteration of the ego. The psychedelic is found in Sonoran desert toads, and de Greef opens his book by describing, in graphic detail, how to extract the toxin. “One presses hard on their glands, which discharge explosively, like pimples,” he writes.
LSD distorts reality, creating vivid hallucinations, while 5-MeO-DMT shatters all sense of the self
This practice is ancient, says Rettig Hinojosa, having once been performed (but forgotten) by the Seri people. His work was initially welcomed by the group’s elders, and many of the Seri became 5-MeO-DMT practitioners. The importance of Indigenous customs are often heralded by psychedelic enthusiasts, who hark back to ancient ceremonies, but, in the case of 5-MeO-DMT, de Greef convincingly argues, there’s all too little evidence. Rettig Hinojosa latched on to the idea as an outsider, changing how the Seri are seen and their view of their history, but the relationship is shallow and the notion of ancestral toad psychedelics is a modern invention. A lot of Seri people have since distanced themselves from Rettig Hinojosa, asking him to stop using their name to champion the drug.
It gets worse. De Greef spends a lot of time with Rettig Hinojosa, whom he initially depicts as charismatic but dubious, only to show him act with increasing disregard towards those he gives drugs to. At one point, he claims, Rettig Hinojosa physically wrestles with a customer to get him to take more 5-MeO-DMT, and angrily commands a 14-year-old boy to inhale another hit. The psychedelic can cause people to lose consciousness, vomit and feel intense confusion and fear.
On another occasion, the book tells of Rettig Hinojosa pushing a woman who was bleeding and covered in mud while on the drug into a swimming pool with his foot. He paid her little regard as she emerged, dripping. Incredibly, de Greef admits that Rettig Hinojosa tricked him into taking psychedelics while reporting, after falsely telling him the substance was essential oil.
Though the subject is often dark, the writing itself has unexpectedly beautiful lines throughout: Sonoran toads have “pale bellies the girth of softballs”. I never thought I’d have such appreciation for these poor toads, who keep being plucked from their waddling lives and squeezed for their venom.
The narrative weaves together history and true crime – but there are also fascinating explorations of the science, from chemists creating the synthetic versions of 5-MeO-DMT, to the ecology of desert toads. We also hear about the impact of toad poaching on the communities who take part in the practice to feed the growing drug trade.
The book’s pacing stays sharp, and there are plenty of moments of high tension – not least when de Greef ends a chapter by introducing a lawyer who had just helped Rettig Hinojosa avoid a murder charge. Throughout, as de Greef notes, Rettig Hinojosa denies any wrongdoing.
The reporting is diligent, and de Greef even manages to join a toad-poaching expedition. 5-MeO-DMT is cheap to synthesise, he explains, but there is demand for the natural substance, with many users believing they are taking an Indigenous sacrament. The practice is ugly, though, disturbing the toads and often involving child labour. Many conservationists and prominent figures in the psychedelics field have called for an end to the drug’s collection.
De Greef’s expedition involved a teenager whose brothers are missing, presumed dead – two people among the 100,000 forcibly disappeared by cartels and state security forces over the past 20 years. Sometimes, the boy joins a non-profit founded by his mother to help find the remains of victims. “By day, he searches for bodies,” his mother chillingly tells de Greef. “At night, he searches for toads.”
Having traced Rettig Hinojosa’s journey and how his “guru” status enabled 5-MeO-DMT’s rise, the book’s final section explores its commodification. Why would a drug that causes such terror and physical reactions be considered a potential medicine? Because it is quick. Other psychedelics like psilocybin create trips lasting at least 6 hours, but the effects of 5-MeO-DMT can last for just 15 minutes, making it far cheaper and easier to roll out.
Contemporary supporters of psychedelics included the late Amanda Feilding, the aristocrat who funded much research on the substances in the UK, and the late Bill Atkinson – the renowned Apple engineer who, de Greef discovers, invented a bespoke 5-MeO-DMT vape pen, which he gave out for free. Despite this enthusiasm, no medical use for the drug has been proven and 5-MeO-DMT is still illegal in the US, UK and elsewhere.
Incredibly, though, it has had impressive results in trials as a medication for treatment-resistant depression. But de Greef suggests the data may not capture the full story: some participants may be more distressed after the experience than the results reflect.
After reading de Greef’s book, 5-MeO-DMT seems like a questionable mental health cure –and certainly not one that should be taken with “gurus”. The Ego Trip, though, is compelling, guiding us through the dangerous industries and characters surrounding this supposedly ego-dissolving drug.
Four similar books to explore
by Sam Quinones
Vivid on-the-ground reporting exposes the extensive pharmaceutical supply of opioids, while also showing how a small group in Nayarit, Mexico, created a pipeline of black-tar heroin to the US.
by Michael Pollan
Anyone interested in psychedelics should start with journalist Michael Pollan’s book, which chronicles their history, and explores the scientific evidence that these drugs can have powerful therapeutic effects.
Poacher: Confessions from the abalone underworld
by Kimon de Greef and Shuhood Abader
De Greef’s first book was about illegal shellfish trading. Another excellent piece of writing, it looks at how criminal syndicates extract money from those doing the actual diving, smuggling the wares to luxury markets.
by Olivia Goldhill
A cheeky extra – but my forthcoming book looks at psychedelic medical research, and the power of the healthcare industry to change our understanding of mental illness.
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