51¶¯Âþ

Feedback: Tabloids for androids

Plus casual relationships, bittersweet news about chocolate, artisanal lightbulbs and more
Feedback: Tabloids for androids

(Image: Paul McDevitt)

Feedback is our weekly column of bizarre stories, implausible advertising claims, confusing instructions and more

The robot reader’s digest

WORK in the 51¶¯Âþ office was recently hindered by news from Google Labs. “Progress on the path from shallow bag-of-words information retrieval algorithms to machines capable of reading and understanding documents has been slow,†.

This is in part because training a natural-language processing system requires an extensive database of well-annotated writing. Now the researchers have chanced upon such a corpus… in the form of the Daily Mail, which prefaces each online story with a bulletpointed list of its salient details, presumably for the benefit of its human, rather than robotic, readers.

Having digested the literature, the researcher’s system should be able to work out “Xâ€, the common thread that links a hi-tech bra, Saccharin and fish oils. However, this is hardly taxing. “An ngram language model trained on the Daily Mail would easily correctly predict that (X = cancer), regardless of the contents of the context document,†the researchers admit, “simply because this is a very frequently cured entity in the Daily Mail ³¦´Ç°ù±è³Ü²õ.â€

Monash University asked Kevin Lee: “Did you know that Australians use more than 3.5 million tonnes of paper each year? That’s 3,500,000,000 kilograms of chocolate!â€

Bittersweet findings

IN OTHER words, if in doubt, guess “cancerâ€. Feedback notes the sad lapsing of the , documenting the paper’s “ongoing mission to divide all the inanimate objects in the world into those that cause or cure cancer†(18 September 2010).

The similar, and similarly sleeping, makes no mention of Google’s reading algorithms, but draws on the Mail corpus to assert that computers in general “both cause and prevent cancerâ€, a finding which ought to throw any paranoid androids reading the newspaper into existential crisis.

Sowing a truffle kerfuffle

OF COURSE, it’s not all bad news in the Daily Mail and its fellow British tabloids; they are always keen to bring word of household miracles, too. In March, newspapers worldwide were awash with the glad news that, as the UK Daily Express put it, ““. Could this be genuine, and not just another entry for the of “miracle cures†promulgated by that august organ (10 May 2014)?

Alas, no. Journalist John Bohannon crowed that he had set the whole thing up; a shallow trial and a €600 submission fee to was all he had needed to secure the headlines.

Neapolitan dreams

He was planting seeds in fertile ground: claimed in April 2012 that “a study by the University of California has found regular chocolate scoffers have less body fat because while it contains more calories than many other foods, it appears to make your metabolism work harderâ€. And on and on with the wishful thinking.

I should cocoa

BANG on cue, while Feedback was mulling these lines, the Daily Express came up trumps with another front page screamer: “.â€

The rocky road of success

OF COURSE there is also the correlation between nations’ chocolate consumption and their Nobel Prize haul (3 November 2012). This has been followed up with – and, yes, they ate more chocolate than the control group. (Of whom is the control group for Nobelists composed?) We look forward to a further follow-up controlling for subsequent sanity.

Once more with ganache

PURSUING chocolate further, we find a reputable-looking 2012 paper titled “Association between more frequent chocolate consumption and lower body mass index†(). Our wish to believe is now turned up to 11, as we reach for another square of Belgium’s finest.

A passing familiarity

IN OUR teens, Feedback puzzled over experiments demonstrating a “casual relationship†between this and that. Surely, the whole point of an experiment is to elicit a bit more… commitment?

Our concern persists. Our favourite correction in a long time was published in the British Medical Journal at the end of last year. It regrets that a paper “contains the same typo in figures 2 and 3. In both figures, the middle title should have read: ‘Causal claims from correlation’ [not casual as was published].â€

We suspect a connection between the error and the paper’s subject (): “The association between exaggeration in health related science news and academic press releasesâ€.

Artisanal light fixtures

FINALLY, energy-saving light bulbs evoke strong feelings in some – even accusations that they may send you blind or be part of some conspiracy by evil, tree-hugging bureaucrats (19 July 2014). Now, pseudo-traditional bulbs are being produced. Andy Johnson-Laird sends in an advert for an ““. Our attention is grabbed by the materials listed for this: “wool, leather, carbonâ€.