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Feedback is our weekly column of bizarre stories, implausible advertising claims, confusing instructions and more

A mind-bending law looms

RECREATIONAL drugs have strange effects on people, most notably those trying to ban them. The UK government intends to outlaw 鈥渓egal highs鈥�, the synthetic analogues designed to sidestep existing prohibition. Feedback has studied the text of the , and noted many others wondering if the document was itself written under the influence. It bans 鈥渁ny substance which is capable of producing a psychoactive effect in a person who consumes it, and is not an exempted substance鈥�. Such effects include 鈥渟timulating or depressing the person鈥檚 central nervous system鈥� to affect their 鈥渕ental functioning or emotional state鈥�. Clearer heads point out that this is effectively a ban on almost everything.

Guy Cox writes to assuage Martin Albu鈥檚 concerns that his biodegradable membership card will 鈥渓ast a lifetime鈥�: 鈥淚鈥檓 biodegradable and will last a lifetime, and I hope the same applies to him.鈥�

Getting high on hi-fi

THE above bill covers things that may 鈥渆nter the person鈥檚 body in any way鈥�. Will this be its legacy, as with the Criminal Justice Act 1994, now known mostly for declaring that 鈥溾�榤usic鈥� includes sounds wholly or predominantly characterised by the emission of a succession of repetitive beats鈥�?

Lengthening list of the bans

WRITING on , Ian Dunt lists some common items that will be consigned to amnesty bins outside police stations, should the legislation pass unadulterated: e-cigarettes, incense, helium, eye drops and breath mints. Barrister Tim O鈥機onner notes that air is not an exempted substance. It can affect the central nervous system, as scuba divers know. He 鈥測our government is proposing to make air illegal.鈥� Brian Paddick added 鈥減erfumes that evoke a sense of well-being or romance鈥�. Can Feedback readers suggest substances that will not be banned?

Make mine a superposed shandy

WE ARE directed by Simon Darvell to the comments appended to the above mentioned article. One points out that alcoholic drinks are exempt if they 鈥渄o not contain any psychoactive substance鈥�. All psychoactive substances are prohibited ingredients. Alcohol is psychoactive. So 鈥渢he exemption applies only to drinks that simultaneously do and do not contain alcohol.鈥� 鈥淚鈥檒l have a pint of Schr枚dinger鈥檚,鈥� says Darvell.

No dry drink in a wet state

PERHAPS a solution to legal confusion over alcoholic drinks is powdered alcohol, a substance recently banned by Ohio legislators (13 June). Chris Townsend writes that this is of interest to hikers and campers, and points out that dehydrated drink . It is highly flammable, which Chris says 鈥渃ould be very useful for wild camping鈥� with powdered alcohol you鈥檇 have a fuel source for brew-ups and a tot of alcohol to add to your tea or coffee. Perfect!鈥� Feedback thinks camping with Townsend could be very wild indeed.

Ban makes boom in Ireland

IN MARCH, the architect of the 鈥渓egal highs鈥� ban, Theresa May, that an expert panel was looking into the effects of a similar ban on recreational drugs in Ireland, which began in 2010. Apparently the 鈥渋mpact has been significant,鈥� and has included the closure of many 鈥渉ead shops鈥�.

George Murkin of Transform, a charity that campaigns for the legal regulation of drugs, that one of those significant impacts is that Ireland than any other country in the EU. Well done! Trebles all round!

A Lord on the Dark Net

WRITING in The Times newspaper, decides that the only way to dissuade people from using these drugs 鈥渋s to give us all detailed information on the downsides of legal highs鈥� 鈥� which they might get from the doomed head shops but, Kamlesh Patel , they will not get from online sellers.

Bad heir day

EARLY in June we got to see , including one urging his mother鈥檚 Britannic government to increase funding for what he called 鈥渋ntegrated healthcare鈥�. By that he turned out to mean, largely, homeopathy. A colleague pointed out that the euphemism was not new: the Royal London Homeopathic Hospital, not far from our office, in 2010 the 鈥淩oyal London Hospital for Integrated Medicine鈥�. How could we have missed that? We now look forward to some sideways-thinking university vice-chancellor setting up a 鈥淒epartment of Integrated Logic鈥�, which will promote findings which are true and findings which are false on an equal footing.

Peruvian productivity push

RETURNING to drugs with ingredients: the war on them is going strong. Hajo Buter directs us to , which reports that a record 6.7 million tonnes of cocaine was seized by Peruvian authorities last August. 鈥淚t seems Peru is amazingly productive,鈥� writes Hajo. 鈥淗ow did they carry and weigh, let alone grow, this amount?鈥�

Moan over Alabama

FINALLY, yet another famous Peruvian export could disappear from shelves in Alabama. Last year, senators there a to counter synthetic drugs. The 400 compounds it names include 5-hydroxytryptamine (5-HT), more commonly known as serotonin. 鈥�5-HT has been found to exist in plants, fruit, vegetables and chocolate,鈥� . 鈥淲ill those now be controlled substances? Will there be police raids at your local supermarket?鈥� Feedback is concerned this may be the end for the banana in Alabama.