Feedback is our weekly column of bizarre stories, implausible advertising claims, confusing instructions and more
Do we need a fun spy tool?
A COMPANY in Hong Kong sends Feedback an invitation to buy âSpy DVR hidden watchesâ. In case we werenât sure what weâd want one for, describes many of the watches as âa fun little spy tool that allows you to take video no matter where you goâ. It also warns: âDo not use this product for any illegal purpose.â
But what caught our eye was the sign-off on the email: âWaiting for your earlier commentsâ. Had we been able to comment before it arrived, we would probably have powers that render spy tools unnecessary.
Advertisement
âNo chemicals allowed in this refrigerator,â says the sign a safety officer posted in a lunch room at NASAâs Goddard Space Flight Center. Dennis Chesters is âstill trying to find edible stuff not made of chemicalsâ to put in it
Most comprehensive fruitloop
WOULD we need spy tools if we had access to the technology that Harris Steinman points us to at ? Two of the more prosaic benefits claimed by its founder, Brian David Andersen, are âproper hydration via structured waterâ and the ability to âreduce negative effects of radiation from cell phonesâ. That gave us a good flavour of the evidential rigour here. Then we visited a ââ in which he sets out his thoughts and proposals as an âEbola Syndrome InvestigatorââŠ
âHow can signals coming from a computer via amplifiers, Ozonated oil suppositories and cellophane wrapped colloidal silver, Vitamin E and Ozonated Hemp Oil assist,â he asks, âin stimulating stem cells to neutralize the symptoms of a spider bite and other toxic overloads? How is the Ebola Syndrome connected to spider bites?â How indeed?
Now, artificial fruitloopery
THE above may be the most comprehensive collection of fruitloop phrases Feedback has seen. But Brian David Andersen has non-human competition. At least four readers alert us to a website with the enticing welcome: âNamaste. Tired of coming up with meaningless copy for your starry-eyed customers? We can help.â
When Jack Kelleher clicked the button on the New Age text generator at , it announced: âConsciousness consists of molecular structures of quantum energy. âQuantumâ means a refining of the cosmic.â He would âlove to say I fully understand, but as the website noted on my next click, âOnly a visitor of the dreamscape may engender this wellspring of learningâ.â
Machine promotion looms
HAS anyone, Paul Barrow wonders, used the above-mentioned website that we must refer to as to âsave time in creating their fruitloopery-advertising copy?â How could we tell? We asked it. It answered: âHave you found your story? It can be difficult to know where to begin.â
Illegal, indecent, dishonestâŠ
WE DO, however, have a new tool in fruitloop-cataloguing. Since 1 March 2011, the UKâs has . So we entered some of our favourite indicative words into its search engine ().
The old-fashioned âvibrationsâ has garnered a mere three complaints, all upheld: one involved a between two makers of electric toothbrushes, one that claimed to eliminate âbad vibrations [man]â, and one .
The word âhomeopathicâ gathered , to which we shall give vanishingly small attention; all but one were upheld, at least in part. There have been relating to the word âquantumâ, all upheld. No one has complained about a âtachyonâ product⊠.
Quite interesting predictions
JUXTAPOSITION can be inspirational. Andrew Shead notes 51¶ŻÂțâs interview with the âelvesâ who dig up fascinating and unlikely facts for the (20/27 December 2014, p 40). He anticipates that our mention in the same issue of what he summarises as âlab-grown female anatomyâ (p 32) will âsmite them between the eyesâ. He expects that they will latch on to the final sentence: âThe surgeon behind the breakthrough is now developing lab-grown penises.â
And Andrew predicts, in detail, that âthis Elvish research will appear in a 2015 QI discussion. Stephen Fry will announce that he is contemplating ordering the extra large in black. One of his guests will assert that he doesnât have enough blood to operate it without swooning.â
Oldest television re-run
MEANWHILE, the temporal powers of the above-mentioned BBC programme QI appear to be stupendous. Brian Burbage sends an image of the Australian Broadcasting Corporation offering the chance to watch the episode of 30 November 1899. Fun fact: contrary to the John-Logie-Baird-centric narrative of BBC history, the on television, or at least a television-like system, was granted to Paul Nipkow in Berlin, Germany for his Elektrisches Teleskop â and was effective from 6 January 1884.
Happy high-precision Pi Day!
FINALLY: happy high-precision Pi Day! (3/14/15 9:26:54, US format.)
