Feedback is our weekly column of bizarre stories, implausible advertising claims, confusing instructions and more
Tumble dryer in the groove
THINKING of downloading some music, Neill Jones logged on to Appleâs iTunes a couple of weeks ago. He was surprised to see that Appleâs App Store was about to reach .
He was also puzzled. Given that roughly 2.5 billion â about 35 per cent â of the worldâs population has , Neill wondered who else could be downloading that many apps â apart from the not inconsiderable number of people who have downloaded more than one.
Advertisement
Some may feel that his solution to this puzzle is a tad fanciful, but we rather like it. Noting the way that an increasing number of home appliances are now computerised and âintelligentâ, Neill wonders if we have reached the point at which these devices â in their billions â are logging on to the internet and, for example, listening to âthe latest, greatest musicâ on iTunes.
âIf this is so,â Neill asks Feedback, âdo you have any statistics on what music is preferred by fridges over, say, washing machines or tumble dryers?â
Generously, Naomi Ives gives us the chance to take advantage of the offer emailed to her by catalogue company La Redoute: â00% off your favourite itemâ
Double helix poppycock
FRUITLOOP gobbledegook of the week comes from a nine-page, full-colour promotional brochure currently lying on Feedbackâs desk. It describes a supposedly ârevolutionary new productâ that âtakes you beyond hydration⊠to quantum healthâ.
To match this incomprehensible claim, the product has a silly name. ââ, the advert tells us, âis not the same as regular water that you get from a tap or bottle. Because these double helix configurations are what make up the energy meridians in our bodies, Double Helix Water has the unique ability to repair broken or damaged energy meridians.â
The brochure goes on to assert that this brings various health benefits, such as âimproved blood flowâ and âreduced or eliminated body aches and painsâ. You can buy a can of Double Helix Water for $60 if you believe all this.
And how did Feedback come by this document? It was posted by the promoters to the 51¶ŻÂț London office. What were they thinking?
Naming the fat-head gene
NOMINATIVE determinism usually applies to humans whose names fit their occupations. Now a colleague alerts us to a new field: substances with names that coincidentally fit what they do.
A case in point is and the gene that codes for it. The Eureka Alert service reports that Ana Martin-Villalba and colleagues at the German Cancer Research Center in Heidelberg have discovered that it âpromotes age-related decline of specific cognitive abilitiesâ. Conversely, âblocking Dickkopf improves spatial orientation and memoryâ.
Polite translations of the German word dickkopf include âa bullheaded personâ. A literal translation of dickkopf is âfat headâ. However, when we sent emails about it from home to our office mailbox, the messages disappeared, probably because of a rudeness filter.
The gene was, as far as Feedback can ascertain, by Andrei Glinka and colleagues, also at the German Cancer Research Center, who were studying how amphibian embryos âinduceâ a head at one end. This was Dickkopfâs role. So its newly discovered function in relation to age and cognitive abilities is uncanny, being quite independent of the original reason for its naming.
Perhaps readers can think of more examples of substances with names that independently fit what they turn out to do.
A banker called Rich
WHILE we are on the subject of nominative determinism, now seems a good moment to mention the name of a banker many readers have been exultantly telling us about for some time. A (18 April) tells us: âThe colourful and controversial head of Barclaysâ investment bank, Rich Ricci, stands to walk away with outstanding bonuses potentially worth millions of pounds after his retirement from the scandal-hit bank was announced.â
Emergency detergent
ON A pack of colour laundry detergent capsules from Morrisons supermarket, Don Wycherley found, in addition to the standard health and safety warnings, the words âNOT FOR EMERGENCY USEâ in large capital letters.
Don says he is now condemned to sleepless nights worrying about what kind of emergency might tempt him to (mis)use a Morrisons colour detergent capsule. And what dire consequences might follow if he did?
He is now thinking of buying some other brand of detergent that does not carry this warning, so that he will be prepared if the worst happens.
How not to unsubscribe
FINALLY, the email Adept Science sent Chris McManus began: âSeeing as youâve unsubscribed from our email newsletters, you wonât have heard about our ultra topical upcoming eventâŠâ
Chris asks: âWhat is it about the word âunsubscribeâ that they donât understand?â
