Costly non-existent conferences
ORGANISERS of âscamferencesâ donât just want to make money from innocent academics who book rooms at non-existent hotels (9 June). Guy Cox writes that sometimes the aim seems to be a bit more sinister: âI signed up for one in Florida, which promised that my air fare and hotel would be paid, and my visa would be arranged. So the form asked for full details of my passport.â
Advertisement
This would of course be prime identity-theft material, and it reminds us that the proposal from our hypothetical academic âJo De Selby of Dalkey University, Argentinaâ to present a paper entitled âHermeneutics of innovation in the panopticonâ was eagerly accepted by the organisers of the âClimate Change Volunteer Conference 2012â (18 August). We wrote to the host venue, the âRoyal Eco Hotelâ â whose location in the real world is a shoe shop not far from Londonâs Berkeley Square â asking about a reservation.
The response, headed âRoyal Eco Hotelâ, offered a âClassic Roomâ for ÂŁ99 per night â for central London, a bargain! It said the hotel only accepts cash or payment through wire transfer services such as Western Union or MoneyGram, and asked us to âforward a scan copyâ of a transfer slip itemising the fee.
We asked around among acquaintances who do such money transfers, and they reckon that, armed with such a copy, a scammer could attempt to collect the money anywhere in the world â especially at a money office staffed by a covert co-conspirator.
So we wrote back politely asking instead for the hotelâs International Bank Account Number, so we could make an online payment in the now-usual way. We were utterly unsurprised to receive no response.
We were, however, subsequently startled to receive an email the day after the conference would have finished, had it existed, saying we were âentitled to the sum of ÂŁ5500â in refund of our expenses and inviting us to send scans showing all the payments we had made.
We began to feel the loopiness of these scammers was getting boring and decided it was time to hand the evidence to the professionals.
Normal channels at the Metropolitan Police could only open an investigation if we had actually lost money. So we have asked the Metâs press office to forward it to an interested officer. We await a response.
The English translation on the sign that Martin Hollywood saw on the Great Wall of China says helpfully, but without a map: âYou are hereâ
The Coop welcomes quantum people
WHEN people want to join UK retail organisation by filling in a form online, Rosy Reynolds notes, âit is all very friendly and routine until you reach the security sectionâ.
This states that when members manage their account online or phone the Coop with a query, they will be asked one of a list of security questions, such as âPlace of birthâ and âYour first schoolâ. Applicants for membership are asked to âcomplete these nowâ and are warned: âFor your own personal security, please ensure you use different responses to those on other sites.â
âIt appears,â says Rosy, âthat only quantum people who were born in more than one place and attended more than one first school are welcome.â
SEMIOEUGENEIA was the name we gave to excessively polite signs (8 September). Weâre not sure if the photo Doug Cross sends us is an example of this or of a similar phenomenon, the excessively helpful sign. It shows two adjoining plate-glass doors at an estate agentâs premises in Ulverston, Cumbria, UK.
The door on the left has a large sign bearing an arrow pointing right and the words âPlease use the other doorâ. The door to the right has a sign with the words âThis one is the other doorâ.
Weâre reminded of the classic announcement by the driver of an underground train in London:
Driver: âPlease mind the closing doors.â
The doors close⊠and then reopen.
Driver: âPassengers are reminded that the big red slidey things on the side of the train are called âthe doorsâ. Letâs try it again, shall we? Please stand clear of the doors.â
âHEARING testâ, begins a sign that Robin McKellar spotted on a clinic door in Ontario, Canada: âPlease wait until you are called in.â He wonders whether the clinic has devised a simple and cheap replacement for the standard hearing test: if youâre still waiting tomorrow, you fail.
FINALLY, Jonathan Colvin noticed a competition advert on the carton of Just Milk that he was making drinks with. He scanned it and sent it to us. It announces: âWin a cake in a mug* every 5 minsâ. The small print underneath says â*cake not includedâ.
âThis,â Jonathan says, âhas to be the most bizarre way of giving away mugs I have ever encountered.â
