British Airways resurrects forgotten format war
BRITISH AIRWAYS recently offered customers the chance to earn credits for free flights by taking part in online surveys based on their special interests. A colleague of Feedback signed up, citing consumer and home electronics as his favoured field.
A survey arrived by email, which our colleague dutifully took seriously until the question popped up: âIn your opinion, which high definition DVD format will win the âformat warâ?â. The answer options were âBlu-ray will winâ, âHD DVD will winâ, âneitherâ or âbothâ.
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Sorry? The âformat warâ between Blu-ray and HD DVD discs ran for several years, but ended in February 2008 when Toshiba, which backed HD DVDs, dramatically conceded defeat â at huge corporate cost and loss of face. Toshiba now sells Blu-ray players. Most people have long forgotten what HD DVD was â except, it seems, the market researchers who work with British Airways.
Our colleague confesses that he couldnât resist answering the question with the firm opinion that HD DVD will definitely win the format war.
âWhen he tried to use an online translator to turn a Spanish web page into English, Roly Roper was told: âGoogle error. Translation from English into English is not supportedâ
Covering letter covered by covering letter
THE ânotice of variationâ in the terms and conditions of Jon Chardâs account with UK bank First Direct was in the form of a 12-page pamphlet in a very small typeface.
It was accompanied by a covering letter which stated: âWe are making changes⊠for one or more of the following reasonsâŠâ The letter went on to list three possible reasons for the changes, one of which was divided into three sub-reasons.
Given that the bank was presumably the author of its revised terms and conditions, Jon found it puzzling that it was unable to be more precise about why it had made the changes.
More puzzling still, the covering letter was accompanied by another covering letter which asked Jon to read the first covering letter. Disconcertingly, it seemed the issue of recursion had sneaked into the bankâs communications about its terms and conditions.
Jon was relieved that he did not also receive a covering letter highlighting the importance of reading the covering letter to the covering letter to the 12-page pamphlet.
Now you have it now you donât
MORE untouched-by-human-hand gobbledegook plops through Jim Grozierâs letterbox. âThank you for taking out BT Total Broadband Option 1â, BT informs him: âYou have stopped your BT Total Broadband Option 1â.
So how does that happen? It seemed unlikely that he had subscribed merely for the milliseconds between printing the two lines. We wrote back to ask Jim: âDoes it work?â and âDid they charge you for it?â
Happily, the answers were yes to the first, so our email evidently reached him, and, inevitably, yes to the second also. It appears that the BT computer was taking account of â but reversing â the minuscule interval between one contract ending and Jim agreeing to renew.
Fill your toilet with bacteria
ACCORDING to Wikipedia, âProbiotics are live micro-organisms thought to be healthy for the host organism.â So they are generally considered a good thing, it seems â but would you want to clean your toilet with them?
Scottish TV presenter Aggie Mackenzie thinks you would and endorses a line of âAggieâsâ household cleaning products with the brand name âProbioticâ. So if you feel like adding thousands of extra micro-organisms to the ones that already live in your toilet, go ahead and buy the ones Aggie is offering. We donât think we will, though.
What bears canât do in the woods
EVERY sportsman needs his own throne, according to an advert in the Kotulaâs catalogue for an (). The headline âBears will wish they had oneâ sits under an illustration of what appears to be a toilet seat that attaches to the tow bar at the rear of a pickup truck.
Caroline Goodallâs imagination was particularly fired by the statements that the seat âsupports up to 500 lbâ, that it is ânot for use when vehicle is in motionâ and âcan get slippery when wetâ. Our imagination is boggled by the promise of a âvideo onlineâ.
Gravityâs optimum working environment
THE that Marianne Coupe found on the Home Depot website explained that the soil had to have the appropriate amount of drainage and extra nutrients because: âFor garden plants, gravity pulls water through the soil. Containers, however, are too small and shallow for gravity to do its job.â
âIs this true?â Marianne asks. âI hadnât realised the gravity on my terrace garden needed a spacious working environment. Is it a union thing? Health and safety?â
Time to get rid of efficiencies
FINALLY, the Central Bedfordshire local authority in the UK promises on its website that its âfirst focusâ is on âdriving out efficienciesâ.
Pamela Manfield is ânot sure whether to be horrified at the statement or pleased that a council may be actually telling the truth about the way it operatesâ.
