THE switch-on of the Large Hadron Collider at CERN near Geneva, Switzerland, on 10 September generated a large number of stories on the internet. Nigel Bailey points us to one of the more surprising of these – the announcement on Ebay of the successful sale of an LHC constructed in a garden in Voe, the Shetland Islands, UK.
At , “David” says: “I was building this in my back garden. I had dug a tunnel 100 feet down and joined it up to the local sewerage pipe which runs for 27 kilometres around the village. I was hoping to start the experiment this morning but due to being beat by the Swiss I no longer need this Item. This Item is untested and should only be installed by a qualified electrician.” The announcement is followed by a warning: “The seller will not be responsible if this is not correctly installed as there is a risk of black holes appearing and a possible end to the world.”
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The Ebay page about the sale includes a number of questions about David’s LHC, and his replies. An example is: “Q: I think Size may be an issue… Do you think if I reverse the polarity, I might be able to fold it in on itself for storage in a handy pocket dimension?” “A: I’m not sure. I once had a pacamac coat that did that but I was very young and never liked wearing it. David.”
Sadly for readers who did not know of this once-in-a-lifetime offer, bidding has now closed. The winning bid for the item – which, intriguingly, is provided with a “revised description” that makes it look remarkably like an ordinary desktop PC – was £8050.
MEANWHILE, attempts by the media to explain what that other LHC was trying to do frequently foundered as journalists ventured into the unfamiliar terrain of particle physics theory. Occasionally, though, as Jean Matthews notes, they inadvertently hit on some home truths, as when the BBC’s Radio Times described the search for the Higgs boson: “Physicists have been looking for the Higgs particle ever since [1964], but have been unable to find it because they have not had enough energy.” We suspect that many weary physicists would endorse this view.
“PEOPLE with a vitamin D deficiency,” David Bendell read on the , “are as much as twice as likely to die compared to people whose blood contains higher amounts of the so-called sunshine vitamin.”
Bendell says he plans to “start taking lots of vitamin D to halve my chances of dying”.
Ray Scilley likewise had his hopes for immortality raised by a missive from the the University of Ballarat in Victoria, Australia. This encouraged staff and students to cycle to the university rather than drive by car. “Cycling for an average of three hours per week decreases mortality by 39 per cent,” the university asserted. Scilley assumes this means that 61 per cent of cyclists are going to die of something but 39 per cent aren’t, and in the hope that he will be one of the latter he has decided to sell his car and buy a bike.
“Ewan MacGregor swears he has a bottle of honey-extract shampoo bearing the label “Caution – This is not food”. At least it doesn’t claim to increase intelligence”
READER Tricia Peak wonders if the UK’s Southeastern railway knows something about numbers that she doesn’t. Returning from London to Dover one evening, she found herself in the 11th carriage of a 12-carriage train. She and her fellow passengers were repeatedly warned over the PA system that the train would divide at Faversham and they should make sure they were in the correct part of the train. Each time, the announcement ended with the information: “This is coach number 11 of 8.”
“RARE birth on Sark,” proclaimed a headline in the London Daily Telegraph early last month. “A child has been born on the Channel Island of Sark for the fourth time in 40 years.”
Derek Walker thinks they underplayed the story. If the child had already been born three times before, the word “rare” hardly does the event justice. “Unique, I would say,” offers Walker.
READING Optek Technology’s notes on its OPB350 tube liquid-sensor, Andy Prior noted that the plastic case is “soluble in chlorinated hydrocarbons and keytones”. Now he is worried about forgetting to set his cellphone to silent and having the sensor end up as a gooey mess.
FINALLY, one from the department of recursive instructions. Ben Craven was unable to cope with the circularity of a notice on an Arriva bus in Glasgow, UK: “Get off the Bus Safely – Three simple steps,” it told him. “1. Press the button. 2. Remain seated until the bus stops. 3. Get off the bus safely.”
“I’m still on the bus,” Craven says.
