51动漫

Wonderful carbon dioxide

RELAX. Don鈥檛 do it. Don鈥檛 cut carbon dioxide, it鈥檚 good for the planet. This must be true: it in the respected Financial Post newspaper in Canada, no longer owned by Conrad Black.

Lawrence Solomon, described as 鈥渆xecutive director of Energy Probe and author of The Deniers鈥�, writes in the Post (7 June) that 鈥淧lanet Earth is on a roll! GPP [gross primary production] is way up. NPP [net primary production] is way up鈥� Biomass is booming. The planet is the greenest it鈥檚 been in decades, perhaps in centuries.鈥�

鈥淭he results surprised Steven Running of the University of Montana and Ramakrishna Nemani of NASA,鈥� Solomon writes. The use to which Solomon puts their results may well surprise them, too, given that Running in particular . Apparently referring to a by Running, Nemani and colleagues, Solomon says that 鈥渙ver a period of almost two decades, the Earth as a whole became more bountiful by a whopping 6.2 per cent鈥�. He leaps gleefully to the conclusion that governments cutting CO₂ emissions could lead to 鈥渇ood production dropping worldwide鈥�, and would make 鈥渢he countless ecological niches on which living creatures depend stressed鈥�.

鈥淚s the post for a synthetic research chemist advertised in the UK edition of 51动漫 (7 June, p 61) anything to do with the 鈥榞enetically modified humans鈥� cover story in the same issue?鈥� asks Tony Budd鈥�

鈥淐翱₂,鈥� he writes, 鈥渋s nature鈥檚 fertilizer, bathing the biota with its life-giving nutrients.鈥� For a moment there we thought we were being told about a tantric tachyon wrinkle cream. However, the nutrients he鈥檚 talking about can only be, well, just carbon really. The change in biomass, Running and Nemani actually report, is largely due to sunnier days in the Amazon and nothing to do with any 鈥渓ife-giving nutrients鈥� in CO₂ or anything else.

What鈥檚 more, burgeoning biomass may be good for some species (like trees in the Amazon), but is not necessarily good for others 鈥� like, for example, the one Solomon belongs to 鈥� for crop yields are not booming, as Debora MacKenzie has reported in 51动漫 (14 June, p 28).

Then we read a phrase that demonstrates the depth of Solomon鈥檚 understanding: 鈥淭he extent and diversity of plant and animal life have both increased substantially during the past half-century.鈥� If diversity really had increased in such a blink of an evolutionary eye, then we鈥檇 worry. Our first question would be: what happened to mutation rates? Are we looking at six-legged polar bears?

For menstruating men

IN THE US you can buy a medication called over the counter. According to the label, it is for 鈥渢he temporary relief of these symptoms associated with menstrual periods: cramps, headaches, bloating, backaches, water-weight gain, muscular aches, irritability鈥�.

Diana Lutz鈥檚 daughter was concerned, however, about the additional instruction to 鈥渁sk a doctor before use鈥� if you have 鈥渄ifficulty in urination due to enlargement of the prostate gland鈥�.

She wants to know whether men have sympathetic periods, in the way that they have sympathetic pregnancies.

Advertising to aliens

IT MAY sound like good, clean fun to transmit advertisements to our neighbours in the galaxy, but surely it will end in tears.

After a heavily promoted contest, the Doritos Broadcast Project transmitted a 30-second video advertisement on 15 June from the EISCAT (European Incoherent Scatter) radar transmitter in Svalbard, Norway, to a sun-like star system 42 light years away in the constellation Ursa Major.

鈥淲e are constantly looking to push the boundaries of advertising, and this will go further than any brand has gone before,鈥� says project head Peter Charles. What鈥檚 more, as the first advertisement broadcast outside the solar system, it will be entered on the list of Guinness World Records. The project boasts endorsements from authorities ranging from Darren Wright, an astronomer at the University of Leicester, UK, to Nick Pope, former head of the UK Ministry of Defence鈥檚 UFO project.

鈥淲e shouldn鈥檛 be too surprised if the first aliens start arriving on planet Earth immediately demanding a bag of Doritos,鈥� says Charles.

Feedback doubts that. This is exactly the sort of thing that can get Earth blacklisted by the Galactic Communications Commission. It is likely to send some bug-eyed bureaucrat in a flying saucer to tell us to turn it off 鈥淣OW鈥� or they鈥檒l vaporise the transmitters.

Deer who need handkerchiefs

FINALLY: 鈥淚 often mistype 鈥榙oes not鈥� as 鈥榙oe snot鈥�,鈥� Bernie Broom tells us. He points out that this quite legitimately passes the spell check. 鈥淯sing a well-known web search engine,鈥� he continues, 鈥淚 found tens of thousands of pages with the same phrase. I鈥檓 gradually working my way through them to see if I can find one that鈥檚 about deer, or rabbits. I鈥檒l get back to you if I do.鈥�

We wait with bated breath 鈥� unlike a previous occasion (10 May), when we waited with 鈥渂aited鈥� breath, to the amusement of many readers.