AFTER the end of the cold war, many American research institutions had to 鈥渞epurpose鈥� themselves. National laboratories like Oak Ridge that once developed nuclear weapons started exploring energy efficiency. Now 11 September 2001 has changed things round again. Enter the 鈥渨ar on terror鈥�, and with it the Department of Homeland Security.
Purdue University in Indiana, which specialises in engineering and agriculture, has its own Homeland Security Institute and has just announced a new online Graduate Certificate Program in Veterinary Homeland Security. Courses such as 鈥淗igh consequence disease review: equine鈥� and 鈥淓uthanasia and carcass disposal鈥� give some flavour of the problems veterinarians are expected to face in the event of a biological or chemical attack. Less clear is what exactly is intended by the promise that students will acquire the 鈥渆xpertise to be an effective member of an animal emergency response team鈥�. Will they perhaps be learning how to muck in with a pack of St Bernard dogs?
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ALL the major patent offices now publish pending patents: there are at least 10,000 filings a week in the English language alone. Perhaps big companies think it a safe bet that no one will read them. If so, they are wrong.
鈥淎 bottle Tom Marlow bought from a Sainsbury鈥檚 supermarket bears a label: 鈥淲arning! This product is fitted with a security device which is NOT MICROWAVABLE鈥�. How many, he wonders, microwave their whisky 鈥� or their security devices?鈥�
Take, for instance, the electronics company Philips, which has filed for a patent (US 20050232612) on a sneaky way to stop TV viewers switching channels to avoid adverts or fast forwarding through a recording to skip them. 51动漫鈥榮 online story about this (www.newscientisttech.com/article/dn9011.html) got picked up and re-reported so many times that Philips has had to act, and its website has sprouted a notice to 鈥渃larify any confusion鈥�, as the company puts it.
鈥淧hilips never had the intention to force viewers to watch ads against their will,鈥� assures the notice, 鈥渁nd does not use this technology in any current Philips products, nor do we have any plans to do so.鈥� Of course we don鈥檛 doubt this, but in that case why spend money filing the patent?
ANOTHER patent that lets the cat out of the bag comes from Disney. Its recent application (US 20050232612) claims the technique of putting many different trailers and promotional adverts on a DVD, along with 鈥渞andom鈥� or 鈥渟huffle play鈥� software. A few of the promos are shown each time the disc is played, but they are different each time, or in a different order.
The idea seems sensible; what is surprising about the patent is the way it is worded. Referring to what happens now, Disney鈥檚 patent drafters cheerily admit: 鈥淵ou must endure the same previews every time you play the movie, or be forced to 鈥榝ast forward鈥� through the previews to reach the actual movie鈥he trailers often become dated and uninteresting鈥this] detracts from the enjoyment鈥ay become annoying and has a detrimental effect on the viewer.鈥� Have they been talking to the people at Philips?
Spontaneously forming teaspoons
EARLIER this year we reported on a paper in the medical journal BMJ entitled 鈥淭he case of the disappearing teaspoons鈥� (25 February). One email in the flurry of explanatory hypotheses we received in response went astray and has only just resurfaced. We pass it on despite the delay because the case Steve Field makes chimes so strongly with our own experience. 鈥淚 have a theory that teaspoons spontaneously form from dirty washing-up water,鈥� Field states. 鈥淐onsider the following experiment, which I have undertaken hundreds of times. Do washing-up. Check bottom of sink is empty by swilling hand around. Pull plug. Observe one or more teaspoons in the sink.鈥�
This is, we must agree, common experience. And so is what follows: 鈥淥bviously,鈥� Field continues, 鈥渨hen the spoons are placed back in the drawer and dry out completely, they disintegrate back into food residue. Check bottom of spoon compartment. QED.鈥�
IN THAT same issue of 25 February we also mentioned that we were 鈥渆ngaged in some essential stochastic blue-sky research (otherwise known as idly surfing on company time)鈥�. Barry Rein writes to tell us emphatically that he has never done any such thing himself. 鈥淣evertheless,鈥� he adds, 鈥渁n amusing thing to do is to use Google to search for non-existent dates.鈥�
The results are startling. Rein found that Googling 鈥淎pril 31st鈥� gave 32,100 hits, 鈥淣ovember 31st鈥� 23,800 hits, 鈥淛une 31st鈥� 23,100 hits, and 鈥淪eptember 31st鈥� 16,800 hits. Many of these are false hits, as in, for example, 鈥�2nd November 鈥� 31st December鈥�, but many others are genuine uses of dates that don鈥檛 exist.
FINALLY, a student who will shortly be joining the medical school at the University of Durham in the north of England tells us the school recently sent him details about accommodation. The opening lines read: 鈥淲e are pleased that you have chosen us as your firm choice through UCAS and would like to thank you for your patients.鈥� A little premature, surely.
