CONFERENCES sponsored by drug companies are usually awash with gifts from the munificent firms. These freebies range from pens bearing company logos to copious food and drink.
The Second European Influenza Conference, which took place in Malta recently, was no exception. But companies are clearly casting about for novel ways to impress. Points for unintended (we hope) hilarity go to the firm that handed out bath oil beads – packaged in very sharp, pointy little plastic pyramids and thoughtfully placed on the seats of a darkened lecture hall. We are not aware of any serious injuries, though there were some near misses.
Advertisement
But top marks go to the company that offered delegates a free sample of its product – a flu vaccination, provided by a friendly Maltese doctor in the corporate hospitality suite. Uptake appeared to be good, even though the jab obviously does not protect against the bird flu that preoccupied the meeting.
What next, we wonder. Courtesy cosmetic surgery during the conference lunch break?
FROM the department of creative English, Barclay Clemesha sends us this product description on a box of Bright loudspeakers: “Reverberatory Nuclear Fission. Impinge the sound numerators in close shell to let the Bass more Bass. Even the small ox could produce good Bass effects. Increasing 100 per cent to 200 per cent of gassy power.”
Sadly, Clemesha doesn’t tell us how well the loudspeakers – and the small ox – performed.
A COLLEAGUE recently bought a fridge from UK department store John Lewis. It came with instructions for reversing the door to suit the layout of the kitchen which, he says, were a masterpiece of obfuscation and led to over an hour of struggling and cursing. When the work was finally done, though, what really stymied him was the concluding instruction: “After reversing the door ensure that the internal light turns off when the fridge is closed.”
FOLLOWING our piece about Libby Lewis reporting on Lewis Libby (12 November), Theo Lloyd tells us that as a teacher he once taught two pupils, a boy named Thomas Ruth and a girl named Ruth Thomas, in the same class. The confusion that arose when either name was spoken was, he says, a constant source of amusement, and at the time he suggested the term allelonom – literally “names of each other” – as a suitable description.
Alastair Lyndon, meanwhile, comes up with another neat suggestion: nominative palindromy.
THE evidence for life on Mars grows every day. Further to reports on of the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter’s quest for dishwashers on the planet (Feedback, 12 November), Chris Manners tells us of an article about the MRO mission in the September/October issue of Australian magazine Sky and Space. This also mentions the ability of the orbiter’s high-resolution camera to spot dishwashers. It goes on to say: “While previous cameras on other Mars orbiters could identify objects no smaller than a school bus, this camera will be able to see something as small as a dinner table.”
Surely, Manners deduces, the existence of a school bus, a dinner table and a dishwasher on Mars must point to some form of intelligent life. If not, what are they doing there?
THE local paper in the English midlands town of Banbury is oddly titled The Banbury Cake. It recently reported that the town’s Kraft factory “is now the biggest soluble coffee-producing plant in the world”.
“Ben Burrowes recently saw an advertisement for Craftmatic adjustable beds, which offer “a lifetime of temporary relief” for chronic back pain”
“I doubt it will hold this record for long, though,” comments Tom Huckville, who noticed this. “Every time it rains, it gets just that little bit smaller.”
FINALLY, this is your last chance to send in your entry to the Feedback end-of-year competition. This year’s theme revolves around current advances in biotechnology. “Designer bodies” are becoming more and more possible, so how would you modify the human body if you were not restricted in any way?
You may send in up to three suggestions by email, post or fax; the ones judged the most witty and original will win. All replies must reach us by Monday 5 December and the results will be published in 51¶ŻÂţ’s end-of-year issue (24 December/31 December). The editor’s decision, as always, is final.
Thanks to the generosity of the Royal Society, 10 lucky winners will each receive copies of all six books shortlisted for the Royal Society’s Aventis Prize for Science Books 2005, including the winning book Critical Mass: How one thing leads to another by Philip Ball (William Heinemann).
These books were all reviewed by Jon Turney on 7 May, p 48. Our thanks go to Akram Najjar for the competition idea.
