DO PRODUCT warnings reveal rather too much about how their authors see the punters? Alan Davison reports that the information leaflet on how to fold a Tesco baby stroller instructs English speakers with the classic: “Before attempting to fold the stroller, fold the hood, remove your baby from the seat…” But the instructions in French, German and Spanish do not bestow this advice. Do citizens of these nations care less about their babies being squashed – or are they credited with more intelligence?
The Chinese-made swim-ring that Mark Cahill bought in Lanzarote takes the idea to its logical extreme by carrying safety warnings in three different varieties of English. For the British, there is “Warning! Only to be used in water in which the child is within its depth and under supervision.” For Australians, the translation into Strine is typically robust, “Flotation toy – Warning: Use only under competent supervision.”
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And for the people of the US: “Caution: This is not a life saving device. Do not leave child unattended while in use. Never allow diving into this product. Never leave in or near the water when not in use. Only use in water. Follow these rules to avoid drowning, paralysis or other serious injury.” You may draw your own conclusions. Quietly, please, and in French.
“Have cosmologists searching for dark matter been wasting their time? Just type “dark matter” into Google and you get an advertisement stating: “Dark matter for sale. Check out the deals now. “â¶Äť
ECOLOGISTS have taken the diversification of their research base to a new level, according to a book abstract discovered by David Morgan on the ISI Web of Science: “The color of vertebrate-dispersed fruits has been a source of inquire for over 150 bears.” Why was such a large team necessary? What other inquires have these bears conducted?
We of course rule out the possibility that this results from scanning a paper document and posting the result without proof-reading. The Union of Simian Typists would never allow that.
THE ghost of Trofim Denisovitch Lysenko lives on in the People’s Republic of China. An article in The People’s Daily last month pointed out to us by S. Charles asked: “Why are Chinese disinclined to show wealth?”
The answer, it turns out, was that for centuries Confucius’s doctrine of the Golden Mean has promoted a humble, calm way of life. “Thus formed the Chinese people’s unique psychological quality of disliking self-publicity.”
But that’s not all. “Cultural traditions and lifestyles can have an impact on brain structure. The cultural traditions, conventions, living habits and attitudes that Chinese have inherited through generations cause gradual genic and neural changes. The accumulation of such quantitative changes eventually leads to qualitative changes, or gene mutation. When the mutated genes were inherited, the disinclination towards wealth exposure passed on.”
Now where have we heard that theory before?
MODERN life is tough, but have things really got this bad? Achaz von Hardenberg alerts us to some worrying results reported by the Alliance for Aging Research at . According to the first caption, 63 per cent of those surveyed “want to live to 100” and 32 per cent “do not want to live”.
WHEN Mike Brogden tried to contact the “Visit Britain” organisation, whose work is to market tourism in the UK, the on-hold music he was subjected to was Singing in the Rain. When he finally got to speak to somebody, he suggested that this might not be the most tactful music to play to potential tourists. “We don’t hear it,” he was told. So that’s OK then.
THE book Fat Nation contains this instruction for an exercise for the hamstrings: “Stand with your feet together facing forward.” Sarah Lewis-Morgan, who spotted this, is puzzled. “I don’t know whether it’s just me,” she says, “but I find it impossible to face any other way when my feet are together.” Feedback has tried it too, and finds the same. Is this instruction aimed at the double-jointed?
WE know the music industry has been fairly prolific over the years, but even so we’re rather doubtful about the claim on , which states: “Unlimited free music downloads from all your favourite artists! Over 12 billion songs at your fingertips.”
Graeme Mulvaney, who discovered this, says he thought his 3-gigabyte music collection was a bit over the top, but now he just feels inadequate.
FINALLY, the leaflet from Scottish Gas pushed through Donald Wallace’s door promised: “If our energy-saving condensing boiler can’t save you up to 40 per cent on your heating bills, we won’t install it.” He wondered how far down from 40 per cent the promise applied: 0.000000000000005 per cent?
