From Dumb to Rabid
OUR item about textonyms (27 November 2004) has inspired numerous readers who appear to have far too much time on their thumbs. Textonyms, you will remember, are the sets of words that a mobile phone with predictive texting would suggest for given sequences of key presses.
Thus we find Duncan Simpson lamenting that just before he finishes signing a message he is presented with the suggestion that the word he wants is “dumb”, and if he starts naming his wife Rachel, the phone comes up with “rabid”. It all gets a bit embarrassing.
In contrast, several romantically inclined readers celebrated the combination 5-4-7-7, which gives both lips and kiss. And many others have invited law-abiding friends out for a riot – when of course they meant a pint, or perhaps even a shot.
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For reasons into which we will not inquire too deeply, Robin Andrews wrote a program to search for textonyms before even reading our story. He came up with an impressive list of 12 actual, usable words – bares, acres, carer, caper, barer, capes, cards, baser, cares, bards, bases and cases – all thrown up by the key sequence 2-2-7-3-7. His program also tells him that of the 80,000 words in his search list, 70,000 are the only result of their key sequence.
“Mike Cooper has successfully reinfected this page with nominative determinism by informing us that according to The Observer newspaper in London, the British Medical Association’s representative on hospital hygiene is Dr Paul Grime”
Chris Shilling also wrote a program that discovered two sequences that each produce nine words on his simulated mobile phone. Rather than list the words, however, let’s go straight to his conclusion: “For the new year, I resolve to stop being a sad geek, get out more, get a life, stop all the texting, and speak to people face to face instead.”
Highly imploded water
THE online Earth Repair Catalogue includes something called a Personal Harmoniser, which you can buy for £32. The catalogue describes it as follows: “A triple spiral containing highly imploded water. Research shows that proximity contact with this device may help your immune system to resist damaging radiation from TVs, computers, mobile phones and the environment.”
Highly imploded water? What on earth is that, asks David Ridpath, who alerted us to this. He adds that the catalogue contains many sensible conservation-related products, but wonders how it can expect to be taken seriously when it includes stuff like this.
Pigs is pigs
THE “tortoises is insects” story about a railway clerk’s attempts at taxonomy – which we acknowledged was “old” (Feedback, 11 December 2004) – was bound to flush out readers of a bibliographic bent. And so it did, with several referring us to an 1869 cartoon from the magazine Punch as the source.
We particularly liked, though, the 1905 story by Ellis Parker Butler that Michael Kay also directed us to: it’s online at . A railway clerk decides that a pair of guinea pigs are pigs, on the laudable principle of not discriminating against pigs of different national origin. He insists that the owner pays the appropriate tariff on them. The owner refuses, saying he should only pay the domestic pets tariff. The guinea pigs are impounded while the dispute generates reams of correspondence lasting weeks and then months. Meanwhile, exponential population growth sets in…
Sheds, barns and Hubble
WHEN we were collecting unsciency science terms at the end of last year we mentioned the barn – “the effective cross-sectional area of a target nucleus” (Feedback, 18 December 2004). Thanks to astronomer Jay Pasachoff for reminding us about the even less sciency and much smaller unit, the shed, which is 10-24 barns. And for pointing us to the FAQ list of the Usenet group , which notes that the Hubble-barn is a unit of volume.
Taking a value of 109 light years and calling it a Hubble (not to be confused with the Hubble constant), the author calculates that the Hubble-barn works out at “just less than one of those newfangled litre thingies”. So drinking a litre of beer “is like emptying a bottle the length of the universe with the cross-sectional area of a medium-sized nucleus. And you thought it was a long way to the Gents”.
Ambivalent Christmas tree
FINALLY, Norman Emery was puzzled when he read the claims made in a flyer that came with the Puleo artificial Christmas tree he had just assembled.
“It took over 30 years to grow this Christmas tree,” it begins, presumably referring to the time the company has been in existence. “As the oldest Christmas tree manufacturer in America, our mark of quality craftsmanship is on every Puleo Christmas tree. * Natural, realistic appearance * Easy to assemble * Non-flammable * Attention to detail in manufacturing process * Sturdy construction * Non allergenic * Fade resistant * Tree stand and reusable storage carton included. Made in China.”
