FIRST there was âHow to boil the perfect eggâ. Now comes âHow to cut the perfect cheese sandwichâ. Ig Nobel prizewinner Len Fisher of Bristol University in the UK has calculated how thick a slice of cheese should be to make the perfect cheese sandwich. Fisher, who won his Ig Nobel in 1999 for a report on the optimal way to dunk a biscuit, was commissioned by the British Cheese Board to work out how to maximise the cheesy aroma in a sandwich. He discovered that in a sandwich made of pre-sliced white bread lightly spread with margarine, the optimum thickness for a slice of cheddar is 2.8 millimetres.
âAfter a certain thickness, no increased amount of cheese will increase the âcheesy aromaâ impact of the sandwich,â Fisher says.
Further tests revealed that tomatoes boosted cheesiness, whereas pickles did not. Could a second Ig Nobel for Fisher be on the way?
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DANNY Penman, a 51¶ŻÂț freelance writer, often uses pseudonyms when he does undercover work for such august publications as the News of the World. Earlier this year he built a small chemical weapons factory in his kitchen as part of an investigation for the paper. The aim was to see how easy it was to buy lab equipment and chemicals while posing as a terrorist.
He did his best to appear suspicious and to get caught. But paying with cash and refusing to give a name and address failed to arouse suspicion. And posing as the head mullah of Jemaah Islamiah, the terrorist group suspected of planting the Bali bomb, didnât seem to worry anyone either.
The story duly appeared in the News of the World and was then followed up by the BBCâs Kenyon Confronts programme. By then, Penman had given up hope of raising the suspicions of the UKâs lab supply companies.
Then, last week, insult was added to injury when an email arrived from Fisher Scientific. The company was offering reduced prices to its most valued customers and suggested that now would be a great time to âpick up some real bargains for your labâ. The email was addressed to one of Penmanâs pseudonyms â Osama Bin Laden.
THE UK National Health Service is changing in many ways, but is this one rather revolutionary? Reader Geraint Day tells us of an advertisement for a director of operations at Hillingdon Hospital NHS Trust, in Uxbridge, UK, with the heading: âOur stars are rising in the west. Is yours?â
READER Olivier Hamerlynck went to the Toshiba video projectors website () the other day. It shows a world map and asks you to choose which continent you would like to use the projector in. You can then click on one of three choices: Americas, Europe or Asia.
This presented something of a problem for Hamerlynck, who lives and works in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania. Presumably Toshiba doesnât think thereâs any electricity there to run a projector on.
READERS continue to tell us about unusual signposts they have encountered in their travels round the UK. For example, Robin Moorshed says that should you choose to travel from Worlingworth to Framlingham in the county of Suffolk, you will see a sign that indicates Framlingham is 5 miles away â and then, about a mile later, there is another sign saying that Framlingham is 8 miles away. Moorshed says he can only assume there is some sort of fault in the space-time continuum in this part of the world, and wonders how it affects the lives of those living within it.
MEANWHILE, reader Iain Coker tells us of the startling accuracy exhibited by the signpost-makers of East Lothian, Scotland. His favourite, he says, is one that tells motorists: âCongalton 1 5/8, Athelstaneford 4 1/8, East Linton 6 1/8, Haddington 7 1/4.â
SCIENCE writers trying to describe just how big, small, hot or thin things are often resort to metaphors â such as âone-tenth the thickness of a human hairâ â which are both stale and silly. Our personal favourite flourished in the early days of PCs, when hard drives were said to hold âthe entire contents of 5000 issues of this newspaperâ, which may have frightened readers while not telling them any more than â20 megabytesâ would.
Last week we received a press release from the University of California, Los Angeles, which tried a new tack. Reporting the rediscovery of the asteroid Hermes, which turns out to be two asteroids orbiting each other, the news office said they âwould cover an area approximately the size of Disneylandâ. No other units were given. Anyone know offhand how many Disneylands equal one Wales?
FINALLY, we all like to find out a few facts about our favourite authors from the back flaps of book jackets. But is Oxford University Press getting too up-close and personal? Browsing through the proofs of OUPâs next catalogue, a colleague was surprised to read: âAbout the author REMOVE COLONâ.
Christmas isnât just starting earlier each year â it is apparently finishing earlier too. In his local Tesco supermarket, reader Peter Mabey found âMerry Christmasâ mince pies with a best-before date of 17 November
