PEOPLE only smoke in black and white, apparently. Reader Philip Harvey has a copy of The Hustler on DVD, a black and white film in which many people smoke almost constantly. On the front and rear covers of the DVD are pictures from the film that have been through a colorisation process. Nobody in these pictures is smoking.
Not convinced? There鈥檚 more. On the rear cover is a colour picture of Paul Newman, lining up a shot on the pool table, not smoking. Also on the rear cover is a screenshot of the DVD鈥檚 main menu. It features the same image from the film, but in black and white. In this image, Newman is smoking. The two images are clearly from the same source, yet colour Newman is not smoking while black and white Newman is.
Q.E.D. But quite why the colour Newman has a shadow cast on his jacket which exactly matches the one of the cigarette dangling from the mouth of the black and white Newman, remains a mystery.
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THE Dounreay nuclear plant on the north coast of Scotland has not been an environmental success story. Since the 1950s, abortive attempts to develop the fast breeder have left the taxpayer with a 拢4 billion clean-up bill for the next 60 years. And radioactive particles from the site still contaminate a nearby public beach. But don鈥檛 worry, because Dounreay鈥檚 visitor centre saves energy, minimises waste and 鈥渞eflects good environmental practices鈥�. So much so in fact, that it has just won a silver 鈥済reen tourism鈥� award under a scheme set up by the government鈥檚 tourist organisation, VisitScotland.
THANKS to the readers who responded to our request for further examples of 鈥渇atal euphemisms鈥� such as 鈥渏oy riding鈥� (28 September).
Military euphemisms dominated the examples sent in, the most popular being 鈥渇riendly fire鈥�. (鈥淲hat鈥檚 friendly about it?鈥� reader Amy Moss wanted to know.) Then, according to Colin Bridson and Phillip Piper, there is 鈥渟ervicing a target鈥� (dropping bombs on people), 鈥渟ervicing a target-rich environment鈥� (dropping bombs on lots of people) and 鈥渁chieving a ballistic overmatch鈥� (hitting the people you鈥檙e dropping bombs on). And two other terms that make extremely nasty things sound quite nice are 鈥渄aisy cutter鈥� bombs (Trevor Sumner) and, of course, 鈥渆thnic cleansing鈥� (Thomas Kirby).
The field of aviation was also productive. Reader Bob Danford says he was studying the Federal Aviation Authority鈥檚 requirements for safety equipment to be used in cases of 鈥減lanned water landings鈥� (ditchings). He noted that there was little that could be done in 鈥渦nplanned water landings鈥� (crashes), and that among the lists of 鈥渃oncerns鈥� was 鈥渉arassment by aggressive marine life鈥� (being eaten by sharks).
Meanwhile, Jim Brooke tells us that when a section of wing from one of Air New Zealand鈥檚 planes fell off into the sea recently, the airline described the event as a 鈥渄etachment incident鈥�.
On a different topic, Robert Lipping says his favourite lethal euphemism is the one used by a nuclear power company executive after the explosion at Three Mile Island, which he dubbed a 鈥渟pontaneous energetic disassembly鈥�.
But let the last word go to A. J. Wiszniewski, who points to the phrase 鈥渓etting you go鈥�, what employers who want to sound generous say while giving you the sack.
THE BBC seems to be revising the traditions of geometry. A news story at news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/2284728.stm states: 鈥淎 number of patients and members of staff have suffered from gastric flu at Dykebar hospital in Paisley. Twelve wards at the hospital鈥ave been closed. Experts have identified the bug as small round square virus.鈥�
AND Muji, the Japanese chain store, is at it too. On page 69 of its catalogue, Muji Life 2002, it offers a trio of silicon ice moulds with an original property 鈥� regardless of the shape of the mould, the output will be a cube: 鈥淪quare ice mould鈥roduces 12 cubes, 拢6.50. Cylindrical ice mould鈥roduces 4 脳 3 脳 7 centimetre cubes, 拢5.95. Spherical ice mould鈥roduces 1 脳 7 centimetre cube, 拢5.95.鈥�
Time to rewrite those textbooks.
HERE鈥橲 one concert we鈥檙e glad we missed. Reader Simon Walke has alerted us to Dialtones, a so-called 鈥渢elesymphony鈥� that was performed back in June at the Arteplage Mobile de Jura in Switzerland under the auspices of the Swiss National Exposition.
According to telesymphony, 鈥淒ialtones is a large-scale concert performance whose sounds are wholly produced through the carefully choreographed dialling and ringing of the audience鈥檚 own mobile phones.鈥�
We hereby make a promise: if Dialtones is ever performed in London, we will be somewhere else.
FINALLY, several startled readers have pointed out that the Endsleigh Insurance Services online quotations site for student insurance includes the following in its cover: 鈥淧ersonal money from your room 鈥� 拢50. Injury by mugging, assault, road accidents 鈥� 拢50,000. Death by accident or parent/guardian 鈥� 拢5000.鈥�
LISTENING to BBC radio鈥檚 Today programme on 3 October, reader Neil Wyatt was surprised to hear Britain鈥檚 Home Secretary David Blunkett announce: 鈥淚n medieval times we didn鈥檛 have DNA.鈥�
